Sometimes I highlight my books, this is what it's come together as.

Love is a dangerous angel.

You are in my blood. I can't help it. We can't be anywhere except together. I've been so afraid. I've been to all the bars just watching and getting wasted. And I know people are dying everywhere. How can anyone love anyone?

He is a dangerous flamenco shadow dancer and a tiny boy playing music in the gutter. His soul sounds like my drums and look like doves. He is fireworks. He is the black-haired angel playing his bass on the top of the tree, on the top of the cake. I want him to see the flowers in my eyes and head the songs in my hands. I think I missed you before I even met you.
My heart is like a teacup covered in hairline cracks. I feel like I have to walk real carefully so it won't get shaken and just all shatter and break. What happens to the rest of something when you smash it's heart?

We've done it-the wild love thing. After his kisses and hugs it feels like without them my body will fall apart into pieces.

"What a world!" says the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz before she melts. But now I know that Magic's not that simple. I wish I could give you a lamp with a genie in it to make all your wishes come true. But you're a genie. Your own genie. Just believe in that.

We left my tears behind us in a chiming silver pool. We left my sorrow in the muddy hollows. When I woke up you were next to me, damp and matted, your eyes hazy, trying to remember the way I clung to you, how far down we went. Was the journey too far Angel? Did we go too far?

In a way I'm glad she's letting me go. But another part of me wishes she didn't want me to. It's been three weeks one day and three hours since the last time I saw you in the fog. I try to dream about you, but I can't.

The good thing about fairy tales, though, is that there is always a fairy god-mother and/or a prince to take the curse away. Sometimes when this same dream used to wake me up in the middle of the night, you said, "the curse is broken", and put me back to sleep with lullaby kisses.

There's the hallway lined with mirrors where I freaked myself once. Now I know they're me but I want to smash my reflections. So in the mirror I'll look like I feel. Pieces. But if you break a mirror there are just more whole little yous in every piece.

I want to paint a picture or Angel. As big as life. A boy who will never leave. Our music weaves us together like out bodies in the night. But me, maybe I fit in a place like this. Maybe the cold inside me will seem less cold in this winter. Maybe the tall buildings will make the brick walls I build for myself seem smaller. Maybe the noises in my head will quiet down in the middle of all the other noises. Or maybe my cold and walls and noise will get worse. It's sort of silly, but it's like whoever is whistling wants to stop but can't or like a circus clown with a smile painted on.

All these sparkling electric treasures and all these strange scary things that shouldn't have been let out but they all were. I hold onto the globe like it is my heart I am trying to hold together. but my heart isn't solid and full of light like the lamp. It's cracked and empty and I just lie there not trying to hold it together anymore. But when I do fall asleep it's like being buried with nothing except dirt filling up my eyes. I close my eyes underground to try to see you jammin' on your drums, your hair all flying out like petals, beat pulsing in your flower-stem neck.

Leaving me just as empty as before, loneliness attacking all my cells like a disease. I think that all of my is broken. Not just my heart which cracked the night Angel told me he was going away. Not just my body slammed with the sadness I see with no one there to put me back together in bed at night. Now it feels like my mind too. I hold onto the hand rail feeling my skate wheels roll at every stop and start like they want to take off, slam me down the aisles. What if I let go and let them? Would anybody even look up?

This is how people die. This is how kids get murdered. This is how you lose your mind and then your body and maybe this is even how you lose your soul. I knew then that you loved me too. But mixed with your love was fear and soon it was just fear sucking the love away. Now my love for you raged through me bitterly. It burned my shoulders like the sun, blistering as if it could peel off laters of skin. It stung like shards of glass embedded in a wound. It jolted me awake like an electric shock.

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