It was the deepest hate that I have ever known. You are the most self-destructive-envy-consumed-selfish-prick that I have ever met. I don't know how to let you go. I don't know how to say goodbye. I don't know how to wish you the best. I don't know how to let myself cry. You're going, going, almost gone and I still haven't said my proper goodbye. I still haven't let you know that I'm so incredibly scared of you leaving. The thing is, you're not just going away for a bit, you're disappearing. I don't know how to let you do that, I don't know how to say goodbye. What if I never see you again, that's what you said you wanted, what if you get that. Don't tell me it's the music making me cry, don't tell me it's the guilt. It's love, and I hate it. I hate that I hated you so much and now I have to let you go without having fixed any of this. Bye bye big brother, I think I'll miss you.

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