"Stop making a fool out of me"
The loss of artistic ability would have to be the hardest thing to endure. I think of all the things I used to be capable of doing and the words I used to be able to write and I wonder what the fuck happened, then I realise.. I became happy. It is only in our (my) deepest depressions that we (I) can truly blossom as roses. Isn't it strange how I've been here before, completely, but I'm still so scared. I dare you all to let me fall. Let me have this chance. Because I know how hard I've worked to be happy and I know what you've all been through to get me here. But I also know that if I don't risk this, risk him, I'll be this numb forever. Numb is a sublime temporary fix. Numb is hard to maintain. So I know that I'm bungee jumping without a rope here, sky-diving without a parachute... but I also know he's different for now. Even if he's going to turn out the same, he's what I need right now. It's easy to give up on yourself, especially when everyone else believes in you. You become so unaware of what they want and only care about what you want. Everything is fine, just fine, in your eyes. But don't you (I) see, just how badly they are suffering all around you. Don't you (I) care? Are you willing to risk everything for him?
shit with words

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