More than a little sexual frustration..
I lick my lips and they taste like failure. I rub my hands through my hair and it feels like regret. I close my eyes and all I see is everything that I've done wrong. I want so badly to say to myself 'just go to bed, just close your eyes and sleep. Because you're no good, but you're no better when you're like this'. I need my head to stop spinning and I need it to stand up straight. I need the voices to stop and the visions to become invisible. I'm stuck in a rut and I can't escape. I believe that I need him for success and esteem, he believes that I need me. She believes that I need her, I believe that I need space. I need to stop the work, but start it too. I need to believe in the power of the 'me'. I need to find myself somewhere out of this world I have created. I need my brain to concentrate on the numbers instead of picking flowers and making up lands where the lollies are sweet and the boys are sweeter. I need to get away from me, take a small break. I need to break and break down. I need everything that I can never give me. I feel like a mess of crossed eyes and dizzy minds. I want to be happy again, I want to be happy so fucking badly.