A healthy relationship will make you feel good about yourself. You have been likened to my drug more than once now. Rehabilitation must begin. I have accepted that this is out of my hands now, that I must resolve any power I believed remained. I have to understand that we were both using the same weapon to manipulate each other. I have to believe that I don't need you, I don't need anyone. I just need to believe in me. I need to discover that there are worlds beyond us. I need to learn that I'm only growing up and you're a part of that. I need to accept that letting go right now is exactly what I need. I have to admit to you that everything I do is a show, scripted for you. That I live my life for you to see. That I let them have me, to an extent, because it's going to make you jealous. It's an ongoing cycle and it's a pattern, a habit, I need to break. I must learn that when I feel uncomfortable you are not a safe place for me to run. You are infact an extremely dangerous place.
So I must accept that we ended, a very long time ago. That I have been holding onto something that was never there to begin with. That when you said you loved me it was all a part of the game. That every time you didn't contact me it was simply because you didn't want to. Everything I ever suspected is true, and that's the hardest part. I know I let this happen to me, that I dug myself in deeper and deeper. I've learnt so much from it all, but it's time to let go. It's time to break the cycle.
This blog has been as ode to you and the person I thought you were. It's time to let you go, it's oitime to let mykaliedoscope go. Goodbye, to so many different people.. on so many different levels.