Perfection is such a massive waste of time, such an unachievable goal but something we all try so hard for anyway. You can work so hard to be this incredible human but eventually you will just have one shot too many and the vodka will go to your brain and your vision will be so very blurred and your speech will slur, everything you say will make no sense.. but it will be exactly what you wanted to say. What you do will be exactly what you always wanted to do and you'll regret it so much the next day. Everything you ever thought, every bitchy comment and evil gesture will be sucked from you before you can stop it and it will be thrown right out onto the table for everyone to see. There will be the boy who looks at you sideways and blows you a kiss, the one you give the look that says 'I'm drunk not blind and I'm just another girl you'll never fuck'. It only takes one inhale, two sips and a tablet and the room starts spinning and the paintings blend into one and you can't even speak properly but somehow you mutter the words, I mutter the words, the words I want to say so badly to you and her, the words that my teeth can't clench back any longer, the words that have come this close to being said so many times. But somehow I stop them, in a fleeting moment they are swallowed deep inside me, buried where you will never find them, so you will never know. They will sit in there and as I keep the secret the secret will keep me. In my cowardice and devastation I'll do one more shot and I'll muster the courage and I'll walk right up and I'll look at you and say 'I fucked your mate' and then I'll turn to her and say 'I fucked your boyfriend'. then I'll walk away. And I'll be free. And I'll wink to myself, because it's all lies.. but it's enough to break the two of you.