Dear Hamish, you will never read this.


There was never a plan and if there was this would have never been part of it. My life has been filled with an abundance of Hamish and it's uncontrollable and scary and beautiful and a great big mess. I tried for so long and believed so thoroughly that we could sort through the messes, but wanting it isn't enough, not even needing it is. I looked back and thought we were so beautiful, but I was never looking at what we really were. When I took a step away I saw the truth, I saw that we were never right and that we forced it so much, that we tried so hard to love each other. We were alive, but we weren't living. We were locked in eachother and it was so hard to get out, but you were always stronger than me. We brought out the worst in eachother and some days I hated you. We lived off each other, but we were never enough. I want you to know I tried, and I know you tried. I want you to know that you were 'Mr Right, Now'. I want you to know that every time I said 'I love you' I believed it. I'm sorry, there was never a plan and if there was this would have never been part of it. My life has been filled with an abundance of Hamish and it's uncontrollable and scary and beautiful and a great big mess, I loved every second but I know now that you were a Volcano and I was only a Hill. Goodbye.